Cooper-cabra takes a stand

I’m taking a stand. My dad says I’m getting fat. He’s calling me “chunky monkey” and “Dogzilla.” Now he wants to ration my food and make me start running with him. Well, it’s already diet dog food and my legs are pretty short. It’s not my fault I don’t have a yard to run and dig in. So pump the brakes, Dad! You’re foolin’ with the wrong dog. You might not know it , but in some circles I’m referred to as “El Chupacabra,” a.k.a “Cooper-cabra.” So leave me at home when you go for a run and throw some gravy and pizza crusts in with my food if you know what’s good for you. Go ahead, make my day!

Rita's Custard Opens Today and I'm mad as hell

Well, I’m pretty upset. Rita’s Custard on Essex Street in Salem opens today. My dad walked me by there twice this morning and we didn’t stop. I know it’s only 7:30AM but we should be in line. I know if I’m the first customer I’ll get a free doggie cone but NO, I got drug home on a short leash but not before we went and stood by some stupid little lily pond down the street from that creepy witch house. Now it’s going to be raining and my dad won’t walk me down there again in the rain. He’ll be trying to sleep before work tonight while I’m stuck on the couch playing with my fake, synthetic squirrel, Chip. He doesn’t look or taste real. He does make a squeaky noise and I’m sure dad will take him away when he is trying to sleep. So no Rita’s for Cooper today just a mouthful of polyester squirrel and the slim chance my mommy spills sour cream on the kitchen floor.

Grounded!!

Well I’m grounded. Apparently you can only run from your parents in a playful manner on their terms. I was at the lighthouse and I having fun, saying hi to all my peeps, ignoring my Dad, you know having fun. That’s when it occurred to me, I could just keep going, so I did. I was running, and running…but I did stop to get my cookie from the maritime museum workers, and I kept running. I knew I was in trouble, cause my Dad was calling my name, and moving at an unusually brisk pace, and calling my name. I figured it would be best to just keep going. That’s when I made my move. I kicked it into four paws, and booked it across the street, dodge and weave- those cars couldn't’t touch me. I went the only direction I knew, towards home. My Dad lost sight of me, but I could still hear him yelling. Since he was out of sight I decided to enjoy my new found freedom. I was strolling by the church and this car rolled up, with some other dogs in it. They were totally talking smack. Their Mom got out and grabbed my collar and was looking at my ID, that’s when my Dad came running up. He was really calm. He apologized and thanked the lady, and we walked home. My Dad didn’t yell, or alpha roll me; we just walked home in silence. It was pretty bad. When we got home my Mom was waiting for me with a towel, and she didn’t say much either. I was like, hey good deal. They kept saying, you’re grounded! I don’t know what that means? It’s been about a week, and I no longer get to run out to the peer off leash, I think I know what ‘your grounded' means. I don’t think I like it.

I was almost a victim of identity theft

Well another exciting weekend in Salem. I had a really big scare. All of a sudden my Mom noticed that I didn’t have any of my tags on. All of them… just gone! For a whole day, I was lost. My collar didn’t jingle as I walked from room to room, that was actually kind of nice- snuck into the kitchen undetected. I didn’t have my license, my vaccination record gone, and my pooch pass… Oh my god! I was just sick over the idea of some dog out there pretending to be me. I can get into enough trouble on my own; I don’t need some fool passing themselves off as Cooper. I don’t have to tell you, I was NOT going to get more needles poked in me. I was just envisioning some dog using my pooch pass, going to the dog park, making a bad name for pooch pass 335. Well after a long sleepless night my Dad and I decided to retrace our steps. He took me out to the light house, and sure enough, when he let me go off leash, I went on a mission. I didn’t have to go far; the pier itself is not very wide. I found ‘em. I was smelling them, they smell just like me. I couldn’t believe it, my Dad started yelling at me to ‘leave it’. What! This is my identity man. I wasn’t going without my… uh oh here he comes. He came running up like I was doing something wrong, but just in case, I ran a couple of arm lengths away. Then my Dad looked, and said ‘Good Boy Cooper!’ That’s right, I’m the DawG! Back at home my Dad ‘secured’ my ID’s so no more worries. To think, I was almost a victim of identity theft, turns out it was just identity misplaced for a short period of time.

Good Training

So when I see people, most people (in particular girls, but not exclusively), I get REAL excited. I have this way of lowering my head and squinting my eyes, and of course moving my stub of a tail as quickly as possible. If all of that doesn’t work, I can add a couple of squeals and whines. And if I still need you to come hither, I can muster a perfect sit, that usually does the trick. Recently my Mom (aka Rosanna) asked my Dad what was up with this behavior, she found it unusual. My Dad (David) told her it was good training. Rosanna does most of my walking now…

WILSON!!!!

So my “pack leader” took me to the lighthouse this weekend. Yup, you know the one, I’ve talked about it before (see murder). Well what started out as a nice morning for me turned fast. My ‘Mom’ was ‘playing’ with me and throwing my ball. Sounds harmless, right. Before I go on, I need to tell you I love my tennis balls. Not any tennis balls, I am brand loyal. I like the air bud squeaky balls. They are just the right amount of chewy and bouncy. You can throw one into a pile of like a hundred, and I KNOW which one is mine. OK, so I can continue now. Well my Mom was throwing the ball, and Whoosh- yup that was the sound of the ball as it went over the sea wall. I ran to the edge and it looked, so close. I thought maybe I can jump and get it. I looked back at my Mom, and then the water and I got too scared to jump. I am so upset at myself. There was my best friend bobbing up and down, just out of reach. My Mom came to look at it and didn’t do ANYTHING. “Sorry Cooper”. What!! Sorry!! WTF. She just kept walking, I walked along the seawall, and watched, helpless. When we were about to leave I ran to the seawall one more time. I just stared. “WILSON!!! “. I watched as he drifted further away. What I want to know is how the HELL do you throw a ball that far off course. Seriously, how?

Thanksgiving with my Abuelita

My Grandma is from Chile so I call her my Abuelita. She has been in this country for 40 years, but sounds like she just got off the plane. My mom says her English is actually getting worse. I think she’s funny, because she messes up colloquialisms and common language like me. We drove all the way to her house for Thanksgiving dinner. I wasn’t allowed in the kitchen but it was OK, because when they were cleaning up, they made me a hot dish. It was goo-ood. My Abuelita asked if it was OK if she put the black meat in my dinner, and my Mom and Dad just laughed. I didn’t get it, what’s the difference between dark meat and black meat anyway, apparently none when you’re ESL. Then there was a small incident where I MAY have accidentally bumped into Abuelita and POSSIBLY stepped on her bare foot with my talon like toenails. Abuelita screamed and said that I ‘trew’ her away. I don’t even know what that means! My Mom explained that what she is saying is that I “threw” her away, which means that I bumped into her and almost knocked her over. Spanish must be really hard to learn if you need two translations for it.