I Am the Squirrel Reaper

Word is getting around the neighborhood that I’m “soft” because I haven’t caught a squirrel for awhile.  Ok, I never have, but that doesn’t mean I’m soft on squirrels.  I almost never get off-leash and when I do get the chance I usually haven’t been allowed to properly stretch and warm-up.  Also, the squirrels have an unfair advantage because of all the trees.  I figured the best way to get their kind to take notice was to walk through the middle of Squirrel Central with one of my “catches” in my mouth, a stuffed hedgehog  that won’t be bothering anyone anymore.  Let this serve as notice to all of my so-called dog “friends” who’ve been trash-talking my squirrel-catching abilities and to all those squirrels that have forgotten to fear me.  I’m back!  I am become death, the destroyer of squirrel worlds, a squirrel-reaper.  Take it from the hedgehog that I mercilessly ripped from it’s cardboard backing on the living room floor, “Cooper isn’t playing around anymore.”



Salem Tour Stop #5

Here in Salem we are very lucky to have the world’s largest diamond.   It was unearthed near Gallow’s Hill in the late 2000’s and has been kept in its natural state.  It is said to be cursed and some people think they can see a witch in it.   It is currently on display in front of the Salem Witch Museum across the street from the Salem Common, which is the birthplace of the national guard and Bucky, a grotesquely large-toothed squirrel.  I’ve often seen Bucky near the gazebo, but he is sometimes by the playground, too.  Another time I saw him right by the gate near the Hawthorn Hotel, but he ranges as far as the northeast corner.  I don’t see Bucky if it is dark out, or really windy.  I’ve often chased Bucky when I have seen him, like this one time when he was by the playground where he hangs out sometimes.  I usually chase him if he is by the Mall street entrance, too.   I definitely chase him if he sitting on the stumps on the south side of the common opposite the parking lot in back of the Hawthorn Hotel.  I think the Hawthorn Hotel smells good.  I’m not sure which tree Bucky lives in but I saw him once in a tree near the bench that is close to the trees on the side by the Salem Witch Museum, home of the world’s largest diamond.



I Got Spanked!!

I got spanked and I didn’t even deserve it.  I was walking on the wharf in Salem with my dad when it happened.  I was off-leash and enjoying myself and minding my own business when I smelled something delicious and decadent.  I went to investigate and found some frozen dog poop.   I think it might have been someone from out-of-town because I didn’t recognize them at first sniff.   I grabbed a bite and heard my dad start yelling and stomping toward me.  I know that times are tough, but I found it and I wasn’t about to share with him.  Finder’s keepers, people! Or has the whole world gone crazy! I did the sensible thing and darted off, trying to finish my snack.  I know dad was jealous and he was yelling my name, “Cooper!” as well as a lot of other gibberish such as, “No!” and “Get over here right now!”  I didn’t want to disobey my dad and I think he wanted me to come to him, so I did.  I made a big, wide circle while running at half-speed, stopped to pee, ran and checked out some other potential treats, watched a sea gull fly over, contemplated how cold the ocean was, reminisced about how good my treat was, thought about blowing dad off, and then went right over to him.  In return for my loyalty I got swatted on the bottom and leashed-up.  Seriously, WTF is that all about?  Dad can find his own snacks and I know he likes the same things as me.  When we are driving he is always recommending to other people, “Eat Shit.”

The rest of my day was uneventful.