I showed my parents up. I’ve had enough of the “couch potato” and “I wish we had an active dog” comments. They have mistaken my boredom for sluggishness. Well, I have redefined the nature of our association. I f**ing climbed Mt. Washington, the nastiest, highest, and most challenging peak in the northeast! Here’s what happened:
8:07 AM- Dad says, “I wish we could just leave him here. I don’t think he’ll make it. Two days ago, he laid down in the shade when we were walking to the car after we left Petsmart.”
8:09AM- While dad was enjoying a piece of stuffed French toast with lingonberry tapenade at the Dana Place Inn B&B, mom countered his statement with, “We can at least start and see how he does.”
8:11AM- I spot a chipmunk near the woodpile outside the bedroom I was locked in against my will. My cries for freedom go unanswered.
8:12AM- I fall asleep briefly and have an unsettling dream about being mauled by a giant chipmunk while tied to a parking meter outside a bar.
8:17AM- Dad and mom get back from breakfast stinking of sausage and maple syrup. Dad says, “Hey Buddy, do you think you’re up for a climb?”
9:00 AM- After a nauseating car ride to the Pinkham Notch Visitor’s Center, I’m locked in the car (temperature approaching 61 degrees F) while my ‘rents reconnoiter and buy stuff for themselves.
9:22AM- We are underway. I’m leashed and unable to realize my full potential as an active, urban-athlete. I fight the tether and try to push forward as I choke against…
9:23AM- For the 1st time in our relationship, Dad says, “It’s steep and rocky. I don’t think he’ll run that far ahead.” I am freed from the chains of bondage. My pads hit the rocks a little more lightly. The air is tinged with a bit more pine and maple. The dew tastes sweeter. The chipmunk droppings are larger. I am free.
9:41AM: “Cooper! Wait!” I’m leaving these dipshits in the dust.
10:45AM: Things have moved forward and continued at about the same pace. Dad reliably calls to me every 31 seconds and I have to double-back and make eye contact with him or else he’ll bind me again. Occasionally I see my mom.
11:46 AM-I’m rock hopping now. Dad thinks he knows best and keeps picking my routes up the steep boulder faces. I’d have been at the top by now if not for them. I found a group of kids that had lots of Clif Bars (White Chocolate Macadamia Nut it smelled like) that are moving at my pace and not yelling at me. Someone turns to my dad and says, “Shut up, he’s stopping and waiting for you every time you say his name.”
11:51AM- Dad deems the trail too steep, slick, and unsafe for dogs to be off-leash. Dejected, I submit to his will and half-heartedly drag his tired ass up the rest of Mount Washington via the Lion’s Den Trail.
12:36PM- Dad might have been right.
1:26PM- That was a little harder than I figured, but we made it after a scramble up a rock field. The sweet taste of victory. Dad utters, “I can f**ing believe it. Cooper was unbelievable.”
1:31PM- I’m so pissed off. My paws are all ripped up, I’m wet and cold and my parents are buying sweatshirts for themselves at the Tip Top Shop on the summit. Do you wanna know what I got? A damned pin that says, “This body climbed Mount Washington.”
1:46PM- I’m not allowed into the state park building at the summit. My parents secure a shuttle ride back to the base and take turns holding my leash outside the building while they alternate warming up. Dad buys more crap.
1:48PM- I finally get a meal and my dad gets yelled at. I got a couple of great treats yesterday in Conway, NH at Four Your Paws Only. One of them was a “Pup Tart.” It pretty much looked like a real Pop Tart and some guy yelled at my dad for feeding me “Junk.” The train that runs to the summit showed up with a tremendous air horn blow and a little bit of tinkle just came out of me. I drop the pup tart and start to feel sick.
2:15PM- I commandeer the shotgun position in the shuttle down the hill and flirt the whole time with a bevy of French girls. My dad said they were from Quebec but was still proud of me.
The next day- My parents are still marveled by my athletic ability and I almost choke to death on the “This body climbed Mt. Washington” pin that fell off of my collar. When I regain consciousness, a bar fight broke out and I was nearly maimed by a broken beer bottle, but I’ll talk about that next time.
--Cooper
