I have been told that I need to lose
weight. I heard recently from the
veterinarian that my long-term health was in jeopardy due to my girth. I feel fine and don’t think I should be fed
any less. It is important for me to maintain body mass and appear large on the
mean streets out there. Being thin is a
detriment. You get no respect when
you’re svelte.
My Aunt Gigi said I looked like a meatloaf
with orange hair on it. She used to call
me “Meatball,” but apparently now I serve four.
I think the word “loaf” is offensive. It is both a noun describing my appearance
and a verb that is one of my favorite activities. Being called “meatloaf” thus hurts me
twice. It makes me sound fat and Lazy.
I know meatloaf is delicious, and when one
is taking about what to make for dinner then that is fine, especially when
there are lots of egg and bread crumbs
in it and it is smothered in that brown gravy that sometimes bubbles so hard
that it splatters on the floor. I
actually had meatloaf once and it made me sick because I found it in the trash
and it had lots of onions in it. It was
worth it. I loved that meatloaf. Even though it was half frozen and still partially
wrapped in wax paper, I enjoyed it.
Anyway, there is nothing wrong with meatloaf. We can all agree that it is yummy. I don’t like being called “meatloaf”
however. Using “meatloaf” to label your loving,
faithful friend loafing on the kitchen floor, I mean, protecting your interests
while remaining alert on the kitchen floor is mean.
I’m only 90 lbs. I don’t think I need to go on a diet but
since I have to eat what is given to me, I suppose I’ll have no choice. I hear once I get down to 80 lbs. that I can
eat whatever I want again.
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