My Horrible Day by Cooper

My Horrible Day:   by Cooper Ely

My day started off like they usually do, boring.  Once my mom finally got up and out of bed at 5:30 am, she took me down Essex Street towards the wharf like she usually does.   Sometimes we detour on our way and I get to meet my friends Cyrus and Bailey by Leslie’s Retreat off-leash dog park.  I get to run off-leash past the poor dogs that are trapped behind the fenced-in “off leash” park like zoo animals.  Those are pretty good days.  Today, however, was not one of them.  I had no play date and didn’t get to go by the dog park.  We just marched down Essex Street like we were only interested in exercise and me using the bathroom.     

As we were walking past Rockafella’s and their dog-friendly, but people-unfriendly patio, I noticed a human that looked like a compassionate soul and smelled of pastries.  Our eyes met and I wiggled and whined in excitement as this gentleman put heavenly-fresh confections and treats on the lift-gate of his delivery truck.  I tugged my mom nearer and this man and I made a connection.  He knew I was interested in a treat and could see that I was nearly starving.  He waved his hand towards all the goodies in his truck and asked my mom, “He can have a treat.  What would he like?”  I couldn’t believe it.  I noticed a lonely tray of ham and cheese croissants in the rear of the truck and was ready to announce my decision.

“He’s OK.  Thanks anyway, but he doesn’t need anything.”  My mom’s utterance of these words stung me to the core of my being as I was pulled away and re-directed towards the wharf.  I looked back at the kind-hearted man in the growing distance and I saw the hurt and pain in his eyes also.  I know it is never a good idea to refuse something that is offered to you out of generosity and I could see the rejection wash over this total stranger like a Nor’easter drowns the rats at the pier.  Dejected, I ambled on.   I completed “my” walk with the hurt still inside me.

When we got back to the house, I had the same meal that I always have, one and a half cups of TASTE OF THE WILD, an all-natural food made from real animals.  It was then that I found out that I had a play-date with Bailey!  A few minutes later, Bailey showed up in my house and started playing with my toys and eating my bones.  I found this disturbing and I was shocked by his audacity and my parent’s tolerance of this.  As I tried to place my toys and bones back into their proper positions throughout the house, we were whisked down the stairs and into a car waiting at the curb.  Bailey and I were crammed in the back and not told where we were going.  About 30 minutes later we were in South Boston at Castle Island.  Unbeknownst to me, I was entered into a Doggy 5K and was supposed to run with my dad, Bailey, Bailey’s mom, and mom.  There were many tents and many dogs.  I was quite overwhelmed by it all.  I have done this race with my mom and dad before and it was looking like a much bigger deal this time.  Of course I was leashed and restrained and unable to interact at will.  Bailey and I were imprisoned at the end of our respective leashes.  We went to this one tent where there were lots of friendly people, but they were stupid.  They had no idea what the dogs wanted.  Instead of giving me a treat or a well-deserved meal, they gave my parents a number and a coffee mug.  WTF?  What the hell am I going to do with an insulated coffee mug?

Eventually we made our way around and I was able to secure a few edible items, which I wasn’t given.  My dad stuffed them all in his pocket.  I found this irritating.  My dad is very “careful with money, but not cheap” and I know he was thinking that the free samples were going to be a great substitute for my regular meals.   That is NOT how this works!  If you are given the gift of nourishment, it’s a meal SUPPLEMENT not a meal REPLACEMENT!  When it is free, it is a gift.  It should be consumed now!  Once my dad takes it and doesn’t allow me to enjoy it and then gives it to me instead of my regular meal, it is like getting bread and water for Christmas.  Not cool.

The race was about to start and I was excited about that, but I had no illusions of winning it.  If you are in a race, you try to win.  That is why you’re there.  I knew I wasn’t going to be in contention.  Having my dad on the other end of my leash was going to be like dragging an old refrigerator through a cattail swamp.  Instead of running with that killer instinct and competitive fire, he’d be making an effort to be courteous and other B.S.  He’d be “guiding me” through the tangle of leashes, tails, and other idiots with their dogs like he was driving a sleigh.  I had a lot to look forward to over the next 3.11 miles.

The race started and I made my move.  In hindsight, it may have been a little early to pull out all the stops and go for the win.  I passed dozens of dogs and their parents with my dad dangling behind me for dear life.  Pulling him was a lot more taxing than I realized and I quickly became disheartened around the 1.4 mile mark and had to drop my pace from 6 minute miles to 8-8:30 minute miles.  I decided to ease up a little bit and run behind my dad so he could drag me for a change.  I got bored with that so I decided to stop for water at the 2 mile mark and take a sample from each of the six bowls they had placed out at the little station.  They had no food available and I thought that was stupid.  It was clear that I needed more carbs to finish the last 1.1 miles.  It was around this point where I saw my friend, Bailey.  He went by with my mom and his mom and he was frustrated to.  They were about 5 minutes behind us and just starting the little loop my dad and I just finished.  I told Bailey to hang in there and my dad tried to give me to Mom because he said I bonked and was slowing HIM down!  What a crock! I was just mad we weren’t winning.  I figured if you’re not going to win then you should just quit.  Begrudgingly, we set off on the final 1.1 miles and my dad somehow had a burst of energy, which I don’t understand.  I wasn’t feeling it as it is hard to rise after a letdown.  I had no choice, mostly due to the leash, and I accompanied him to the finish line as we passed a few people that we should’ve never had to catch in the first place.

Not once during the race did I try to go pee.  I focused on winning and knew a pit stop would be devastating to our chances of winning.  My focus was razor sharp and I put mind over bladder.  I guess I was just shocked when selfishly, my dad drug me to the porta-potties immediately after finishing.  I felt like such a fool standing outside the door while my dad still held my leash while he was inside.  When he finished I’m pretty sure he pet me without washing his hands. 

 

His inconsideration is mind-blowing.  On his terms, he towed me to the finish line to wait for the rest of our group to finish.  We sat in the grass in the sun, surrounded by dogs and people.  I felt like I was trapped in the center of a maze with all the treats and refreshments on the walls outside.  There were bananas, energy bars, and dog treats just out of my reach.  I could smell them and almost taste them, but here we sat.  Bailey, Mom, and Kim finished and came to join us on the lawn.  Of course they all took turns going to get “people food” while someone kept Bailey and I at a distance from the treat lines. 

 

I couldn’t take it anymore.  I needed something.  I had just pulled my dad 3.11 miles around Pleasure (yeah, right) Bay and Castle Island.  A baby in a stroller inched nearer and I turned on my charm.  I wiggled, whined, winked, and smiled.  Everyone was taken by my inherent cuteness.  I welcomed the opportunity to take that baby’s food so I did.  In a lightning-quick move, I made a head-shoulder fake to the left and then snapped back to the right to grab a Dixie Cup full of Garlic Parmesan Pop Chips.  Pandemonium ensued.  The baby burst into tears, crying loudly.  My dad and mom jumped in immediately and snatched the cup from my mouth.  My thought was, I already ruined this kid’s day so I may as well get to keep the chips.  My clueless dad finally figured out I was hungry and took the now re-gifted sample dog food out of his pocket and let me eat it on the lawn.  My blood sugar regained normal levels and shortly thereafter, I was once again becoming car sick in the back of a Toyota Highlander as we returned to Salem.

Back in Salem, things went from bad to worse.  After only being outside and among my own kind for 7 hours, I was “deposited” at home while my parents spend the afternoon doing whatever it is they do when I have to stay home.  With the exception of two more 30 minute walks, that was the last I’d see of the great outdoors on this Saturday.  They tried to make it better by taking me to Penelope’s Pet Boutique, where I got ONLY ONE, delicious treat made with carob.  To make matters worse, the real reason we went to Penelope’s was so my parents could buy tickets to go fraternize with other dogs and leave me at home.  They drug me to another store in Salem, called Avalanche.  The nice ladies there were begging to give me cookies, but my dad only let me have one and once again, stuck another one in his pocket.  On the way home it was sunny and beautiful while my dad and mom mostly ignored me and talked about their plans to attend the Beer and Wine tasting to benefit the German Sheperd Rescue (GSRNE) later that day.  There are lots of American dogs that are starving, myself included, and that need new homes with compassionate owners, me also.  Why are they helping the ones in Germany?  Back in the apartment where I only have 5 choices of beds, I picked a spot in the dark and lay down to reflect upon the day’s transgressions and anguish I have struggled with.  I was beginning to come to terms with things when I got some disturbing news via Facebook.  My mother was ‘spending time’ with another,  and it was there for the world to see.  She had this needy and puny German Sheperd puppy in her arms (and probably a beer in the hand I couldn’t see) and the caption said, “Merlin and his mommy enjoying  Hops and Grapes:  A Beer and Wine Tasting to Benefit the German Sheperd Rescue.”  What a fitting end to my horrible day.