June 7th: A brief synopsis of the B.S. I’ve had to put up with

Right now I don’t understand where I am or why the hell I’m here.  I just want to be home in Salem.  I’m pretty sure that the little screen on the windshield that shows a map and talks to my dad is broken because we haven’t been able to find our way home since he started using it on April 25^th.  Once, while I was left in the car in Ft. Collins, Colorado with the windows rolled down, I even let this one nice person take that GPS thing.  I told him that I thought it was broken, but he didn’t seem to care.  He was very happy just to have it.   Later, when dad was looking for it he was very disappointed that I would allow someone in the car to “steal shit” while I was in it.  I don’t recall him taking any of that, but he did seem to be interested in all the quarters on the console and the little talky map thing that goes on the windshield.  Anyway, dad bought another one of those things and said it was coming out of my “treat fund.”  This one doesn’t seem to work any better.  The other day it just said we were on “a road”.  I knew that.   

This “road” leads to a place called, “the farm.”  On “the farm” they have like 200 hundred cats.  I still haven’t decided if I want to play with or kill them.  My cousin Coco and I want to come to a decision on that, but we never get off leash.  We just have to watch cats walk by outside by the dozens, taunting us.  My mom and dad wonder why I have recently developed “anxiety” about travel.  Gee, I wonder?  In the last 6 weeks I have traveled almost 5000 miles, seen hundreds of helgen-beasts (Dad says they are deer), antelope, buffalos, prairie dogs, a Tyrannosaurus Rex,  and this tarantula-spider thing that was so big that my dad saw it on the side of the road while driving. 

I have endured rumble bars.   I have faced off with at least 2 different raccoons.  My dad hit a deer with the car.  A bat-like bird got into the house and was flying around. 

I have had ticks on me.  I have seen literally hundreds of blood-thirsty butterflies at a time, watched my cousin Coco fall off a boat and seen millions of these creepy things called “fireflies.”  I have been dragged up a 14,000 ft. mountain in Colorado and been trapped by sprinklers in the yard while deer walked by and mocked me.  To top it all off, my cousin Coco appears to be lost with us.  Yesterday while I was freaking out about how fast my dad was driving, Coco was in the backseat chasing her tail.