Cooper-cabra takes a stand

I’m taking a stand. My dad says I’m getting fat. He’s calling me “chunky monkey” and “Dogzilla.” Now he wants to ration my food and make me start running with him. Well, it’s already diet dog food and my legs are pretty short. It’s not my fault I don’t have a yard to run and dig in. So pump the brakes, Dad! You’re foolin’ with the wrong dog. You might not know it , but in some circles I’m referred to as “El Chupacabra,” a.k.a “Cooper-cabra.” So leave me at home when you go for a run and throw some gravy and pizza crusts in with my food if you know what’s good for you. Go ahead, make my day!

Rita's Custard Opens Today and I'm mad as hell

Well, I’m pretty upset. Rita’s Custard on Essex Street in Salem opens today. My dad walked me by there twice this morning and we didn’t stop. I know it’s only 7:30AM but we should be in line. I know if I’m the first customer I’ll get a free doggie cone but NO, I got drug home on a short leash but not before we went and stood by some stupid little lily pond down the street from that creepy witch house. Now it’s going to be raining and my dad won’t walk me down there again in the rain. He’ll be trying to sleep before work tonight while I’m stuck on the couch playing with my fake, synthetic squirrel, Chip. He doesn’t look or taste real. He does make a squeaky noise and I’m sure dad will take him away when he is trying to sleep. So no Rita’s for Cooper today just a mouthful of polyester squirrel and the slim chance my mommy spills sour cream on the kitchen floor.